Late Show with David Letterman
David Letterman uses mature humor to appeal to his audience in this weeknight series, which gets its music from a house band led by Paul Shaffer. Among the show's most-famous segments are the Top Ten List and Stupid Pet Tricks, the latter of which subsequently led to an additional recurring segment called Stupid Human Tricks.
Season 8 Episodes
Dave shows that he has a bandaged finger, claiming that he got a poison gas sensor alarm at his house over the weekend. …
Dave shows a supposed clip of the Bushes applauding Al Gore's acceptance speech. Later, several of Joe G's customers pa…
The cast of the original "Survivor" are featured in a special Top Ten list. Later, Dave chats with Jack Hanna.
Dave asks "Survivor I" winner Richard Hatch about his "appearance" on the show last night.
Dave shows the "rabid dingo" bite clip again; Biff tests his psychic abilities with unlabeled canned goods; Donal Logue …
Dave's finger still hurts; Paul offers to pick up Anna Kournikova for her upcoming appearance; Alan makes a special offe…
Dave fusses about the polar ice caps melting and The Weather Channel's inability to cover it. Later, Alan closes "Campa…
On the 7th anniversary of the first episode on CBS, Dave points out that he has made exactly 3,280 episodes in late nigh…
Dave quizzes a secretary from Hartford with "Know Your Employees of Don Hewlett Chevrolet-Oldsmobile-Buick in Georgetown…
During CBS Mailbag, Gerard explains why he's voting for Bush, and Dave marries Richard Hatch of "Survivor I" fame.
During a segment called "Summer Memories," Anton recalls being attacked by a giant mosquito. Later, Carson Daly plugs "…
After reviewing stills of Dave's hand being stitched up, we're ready for the removal of the stitches, simulcast on www.c…
Alan interrupts Dave, claiming Monday was his 5th anniversary working on the show. He's mad because Dave forgot. He ru…
An audience member from Buffalo named Mel Chastain plays "Know Your Professional Bill Gates Lookalikes." Dave likes her…
CBS Mailbag: Dave teaches grade school, while "AP writer Adam Klymer" (the scribe Dubya referred to as a "Major League A…
Biff blows up a bicycle tube and a soccer ball with a tire pump; Sting and Cheb Mami sing "Desert Rose."
How Many Guys in Cat Suits Can Fit into a Coffee Shop? Walking in with no resistance are seven cats, a dog, Santa, a gu…
A "Banned from the Classroom" bit includes a jar of spit ball spit; Jack Daniels drink boxes; Professor George W. Bush's…
Warren Zevon fills in for Paul Shaffer, who was sick that night.
Nadine and Andrea rescue Calvert from under Dave's desk again. Later, Dave shows a "new" Hillary Clinton ad.
Dave goes on another lengthy tirade, correcting an article that appeared in yesterday's New York Times Magazine, calling…
Dave gives the results of Olympic events before they air on NBC. Belgium seems to have won all of them except one (Finla…
Dave comments on Monday's rant by stating that while he has never been a non-voting Republican (according to the Times M…
Dave begins the evening by announcing, "Tonight is my final performance." Meanwhile, Vince Gill sits in, and presidenti…
Dave makes another Ball State Football Update, declaring last week's 74-0 trouncing by Kansas State as being closer than…
A segment called "What's On TV This Week" is interrupted by two guys who burst into the theater fighting. Later, Tom Ca…
"Late Show Iron Chef" -- Joe G. vs. Rupert Jee, Round 2: Rupert makes an omelet with Cajun spices, while Joe G makes a h…
Paul's sick tonight, so Anton's in charge and Cliff Carter sits in on keyboards. Dave calls "Paul" (who has a nasty upp…
Biff plays "Super Unlabeled Canned Goods of the Night" (now with institutional-sized cans). Biff tastes chili, but Warr…
Since Paul's still sick, a guy comes out to show what Paul would have worn tonight; Eddie Brill fills in for Alan; Al Re…
Dave welcomes Rulon Gardner, who won the gold medal in wrestling at the Sydney Olmypics. Later, Warren Zevon promotes h…
Barry White impersonates Paul via telephone yet again; after the latest edition of "Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts…
Calvert grabs a Kleenex® from Dave's desk during the jokes; Warren Zevon is still sitting in for Paul, who has developed…
Like he has on previous nights, Calvert walks through during the monologue. Tonight, he goes to Dave's desk, picks up th…
During tonight's "Alan Kalter's Campaign Round-Up," the announcer sings an impromptu rendition of "Who Let the Dogs Out"…
Paul's back and finished with his lengthy bout with pneumonia; throughout the week Dave introduces vegetables that didn'…
Nadine Hennelly and Andrea Sande come out (a day late) with roses for Paul to celebrate his return. Dave announces that…
Dave lists some rejected Ball State mascot names from long ago, and learns that their previous nickname was the "Hoosier…
After months of fruitless attempts, Dave finally lands Republican presidential candidate George Walker Bush as a guest o…
Dave show clip of Gov George bush from yesterdays show where bush cleans his glasses with sweater of lady standing nex…
During the annual "Halloween Costumes" segment, Calvert claims a dead fish as his treat and Dave's car the morning after…
Calvert stands right smack in front of Dave at his desk and has to be shooed away; Biff, with a little help from Benny A…
Dave calls Biff out to answer the question of an audience member: "Does he sleep with his headset on?" Of course he doe…
Madonna makes her first guest appearance in over six years.
Dave reports that before the show he was trying to trim his hair above his ears and accidentally buzzed himself in the l…
It's the day after the infamous presidential election, so Calvert walks onstage and asks Dave, "How'd Nixon do?" Later,…
Calvert comes by for a smoke, then sings "Who Let the Dogs Out?" with Alan; Cokie Roberts offers her predictions on the …
Calvert interrupts the jokes, asking for a sandwich; during "CBS Mailbag," Dave makes a quick trip to Europe to visit hi…
During the monologue, Dave does a "Classic Clinton Joke": "He's so fat he can't see who he's having sex with." Also, Bi…
Calvert comes out to tear up the cue card for the Classic Clinton Joke; Dave tells another dentist-related horror story;…
Calvert serves Dave some coffee; Mike Myers shows a clip from a movie he made when he was 13.
Calvert comes out to clean his glasses on Dave's jacket; Michael McDonald (of Steely Dan and Doobie Brothers fame) sits …
Anton tells about his troubles with a kid on Halloween; Dave's interview with Val Kilmer goes horribly awry.
After having one flag put on the set last night, Dave now has two flags behind his desk so he can "look more presidentia…
Calvert comes out dressed like Dave and inspects a ballot; Dave demonstrates his improved facial maneuverability, and th…
Calvert comes out to comb his hair, and leaves the stage to a standing ovation. Also, Richard Simmons comes out in an o…
Dave apologizes for last night's show. Later, he shows highlights from the staff Thanksgiving Party, during which Dave …
Calvert applies Chap Stick to his face; Dave finally gives an explanation for his behavior two nights ago (something inv…
Calvert comes out with a remote control to zap Dave; a tiger cub belonging to Jack Hanna develops a strange fondness for…
Rather than do something, Calvert walks onstage, stands next to Dave for ten seconds, then walks away; Dave now has twel…
Calvert cleans the cameras; Dave refers to Paul as "President-elect Paul W. Shaffer;" Dave mentions that magician David …
Calvert walks onstage drinking a quart of egg nog straight out of the carton; to promote Dave's upcoming appearance in B…
Calvert drinks more egg nog; Charles Grodin; 2000 NASCAR Winston Cup champion Bobby Labonte; Dave shows outtake footage …
Dave shows a picture of President-elect Bush wearing a funny cowboy hat; in case there are any updates on tonight's deci…
Dave shows a clip of MSNBC's Bob Kur mumbling during his report of last night's Supreme Court decision; an audience memb…
Paul walks over to adjust Dave's shirt; Calvert drinks more egg nog; during Mailbag, we watch "Dave's Trip to Norway," i…
Dave shows a clip of President-elect Bush and Colin Powell hugging rather awkwardly; Rupert, Mujibur, Sirajul, and Joe G…
It's "Bosnia Night" on the Late Show: Dave wears night-vision goggles during the monologue; the audience consists entire…
In honor of his 35 years with CBS, Dave gives cameraman Dave Dorsett a fake Christmas gift; Dave announces that staff mo…
Calvert sprays snow from a can on a camera lens. Dave squeegees it, but he gets the foam all over his suit. Also, come…
Calvert is dressed as Santa; during Mailbag, Alan prepares for a role in a porno movie by sitting in a bathtub filled wi…
Calvert comes out with his shiny new scooter; Dave asks Steph/Monty to tape "Jackass" for him; Paul discusses Hanukkah, …
Dave tells 10 "It's so cold..." jokes; Dave, Rupert and others bid a fond farewell to Joe G. Pizza, which is moving to W…
Dave has a special new year's message for the kids (not to mention his biker buddies): "Ride straight." Also, Dave tells…
Dave mentions that Ed won a People's Choice Award for Best New Series. He says he's never won one "because the people do…
An old man resembling Calvert walks onstage after the monologue; 60's pop singer Jackie DeShannon sits in and croons som…
The old guy/Calvert surrogate from last night stares blankly at the camera; Dave asks Steph/Monty for dental tools; anot…
Throughout the night, Giants placekicker Brad Deluiso kicks field goals. Also, Kim Cattrall claims Garry Shandling tried…
Mailbag: Pat Farmer wears a skirt, while a hot dog vender (Michael Z. McIntee) sells Dave a hot dog with "I love you" sp…
Dave shows a photo of a cake Dorothy made to commemorate the one-year anniversary of his quintuple-bypass; Dave asks Ste…
Dave starts off the show by discussing the launch of Oprah's new magazine, and then he shows a copy of Martha Stewart's …
Dave complains that his chair is not as comfortable as he would like it to be, then hypothesizes that it's the lumbar ad…
Dave admits that he's addicted to carbohydrates; NYC Chief of Police Bill DeLace gives snow survival tips; Dave shows tw…
On the eve of President Bush's inauguration, Dave tells one last "Classic Clinton Joke" from 1998. Also, during Mailbag,…
Dave comments on yesterday's Giants-Ravens Super Bowl, then shows footage of MVP Ray Lewis with confetti stuck on his fa…
Throughout the night, various celebrities (such as Regis and Dave) endorse a "Hacking Cough of the Night." Also, Biff i…
Dave demands that Johnny Knoxville from "Jackass" appear on the show; Dave shows a clip of President Bush slapping the f…
Dave casually mentions that today is the nineteenth anniversary of his first foray into late night, and Nancy Agostini a…
During Mailbag, Harold Larkin goes to Jupiter, then looses his pants due to their extreme gravity; Alan Kalter discusses…
Dave's desk has been repainted a gaudy light blue; Dave rants about last Saturday's debut of the XFL, demanding that the…
Dave mentions that the front of his desk was painted blue the previous weekend, and now we know why: it's a makeshift sc…
In conjunction with a certain upstart football league, Dave announces that the show will change its name to "XLS- the Ex…
Biff reports from Bloomfield, Connecticut; an audience member plays Chopin on Paul's piano; history repeats itself as Da…
For the last month or so, a little old man walks onstage during the monologue, stands next to Dave, and walks away. Ton…
Dave engages in a lengthy discussion about stomach flu, then calls Art Kelly upstairs to inquire about staff members wit…
It's milestone in the long and celebrated history of "Stupid Pet Tricks" as Regis the duck eats cottage cheese out of ow…
Dave shows a Valentine's Day bouquet he claims came from Jackass star Johnny Knoxville; Dave comments on last night's gr…
Dave announces that last night's show has been pardoned by ex-President Clinton; daredevil Steve Direnzo jumps off the r…
A segment called "Dave's Henchmen Force a Price Waterhouse Executive to Reveal the Best-Picture Winner" pretty much expl…
Dave goes on one of his all-time greatest rants, this time protesting the inhumane conditions on Survivor: Outback, then…
Alan Kalter interrupts Dave with a few seductive words for Jennifer Lopez on the occasion of her break-up with Sean "Puf…
Throughout the night, Don Hewitt (aka the Man on Fire) is body-checked by several New York Rangers; during Mailbag, an a…
George Clarke interrogates celebrites at last night's Grammys; ten grade-schoolers from Bowie, Maryland present the Top …
Sam Moore (of Sam & Dave) and Billy Preston sit in; Kansas State University high jumper Nathen Leeper can't demonstrate …
Dave shows off his brand new desk, then complains that he has nothing worth asking to "Survivor: Outback" loser Kimmi Ka…
Dave shows the woman/duck and "rabid dingo" clips yet again; Dave discusses the new theory that a meteorite may prove li…
Dave announces that after a recent awkward experience, he will no longer attend network meetings of any kind; Les Moonve…
Dave sheds more light on his rant from the previous night, asking Paul if an network exec has ever said to him, "Do you …
Mailbag: "My son Tommy turns five on Saturday. Will you come to his party?" Dave says he'd love to, then drives over to …
Dave introduces himself as "David Letterman… TV badass"; Dave discusses the handling of the non-surviving Survivor: Ou…
Throughout the night, Pat Farmer shoots hoops on the roof.
Dave says he's finished sending lemon trees to guests he may have irritated, then makes his NCAA Tournament picks. Also…
The suit that Paul's wearing tonight reminds Dave of Colonel Harland Sanders; the band plays songs by The Mamas and the …
Johnny Johnson and James Burton sit in with the band; Dave shows footage of MIR returning to earth, only to decimate the…
Dave introduces the bandleader as "Paul W. Shaffer"; the "spring flying rat migration" is observed outside; Bill DeLace …
A segment called "What We Love about Spring in New York" finds George Clarke in his favorite sundress and Harold Larkin …
Dave announces he's feuding with AOL, claiming that they're "a rinky dink little deal" and that the "bastard geeks" are …
A really tall guy (approximately 6' 8") sits in with the band; Biff goes to Chappaqua, New York to gather gossip on the …
Paul's weekend plans are somehow incorporated into "Know Your Current Events," while Dave finally meets his hero du jour…
At the end of the monologue, Dave does his suit-modeling shtick; during Mailbag, Dave gets included in this year's Acade…
Dave and Paul announce that on Friday a 40-piece orchestra will be sitting in onstage later in the week; Dave rants abou…
Dave claims he's been sending tons of obscene e-mail to AOL and that is ready to sue them for monitoring everyone's mess…
The "Late Show All-Star Security Camera" finds 70's sitcom star Gabe Kaplan trying to sneak inside the theater; Dave and…
Dave tells a lengthy "driving home on 684" story, and later he chats with a pair of fraturnal twins that recently interv…
After four days in the making, it's "Orchestra Night" at the Late Show, with fifty combined strings, brass, and woodwind…
Dave fumes over the reworked DVD edition of Lawrence of Arabia, and Jerry Foley letterboxes Dave and turns him blue to s…
Dave returns to last night's rant about his faulty Lawrence of Arabia DVD, and announces that the producers sent him a n…
Dave celebrates birthday #54 by repeatedly showing a Gap ad featuring a very comely woman dancing/walking; we are treate…
CBS Mailbag: "Who does your taxes?" Dave points out that someone named Jimmy does his taxes, and via flashback, we learn…
Dave looks back at all the interviews he's done with booted Survivor contestants, then gives his usual cold-shoulder app…
Dave announces the woman from the Gap commercials is going to be on the show later this month, and then grumbles that he…
Dave reports CBS sales figures the Late Show has run about $750,000 worth of free Gap® commercials so far, and for the f…
Throughout the night, "Gap Girl" Melissa Bernheim dances onstage; Dave mentions his victory at last night's American Com…
Melissa Bernheim dances onstage again; during Mailbag, Dave's middle initial is added to the theatre marquee, but if fal…
Dave comments on Survivor contestant Elizabeth Filarski's hair loss and how the producers of the show did not come to he…
Dave says the ladies on staff at the Empire State Building gave him a private viewing at the Hayden Planetarium. Also, …
Dave tells multiple "It was so hot today…" jokes; the outside cam catches a doctor at a sidewalk booth doing laser eye…
Dave announces he's the real Survivor; all sixteen of the show's most recent contestants present the Top Ten; Stevie Nic…
Shuggie Otis sits in on guitar, and later the band performs his one and only hit, "Strawberry Letter 23." Also, during …
Dave mentions the Kentucky Derby, then whines about not getting to hear Dave Johnson saying "…and down the stretch the…
In her first appearance on the show, intuitive Deborah Lynn attempts to get George Clooney's phone number. She gives Da…
Dave rants about last night's Country Music Awards, claiming it's not "real country" anymore; Harold Larkin addresses an…
Mailbag: "I'm going to see a movie this weekend. Which one should I see?" Dave introduces a segment called "Kenny Sheeha…
Dave calls Art Kelly (the theater receptionist) about a possibly offensive joke from last Fridays' monologue involving M…
Returning to last night's controversy, Dave announces Miss Columbia 2001 will be a guest on Thursday's show, then profus…
Dave tells a string of "It's so dry…" jokes during the monologue; David Byrne performs "Like Humans Do."
A technical issue near Paul's keyboards is repaired in the middle of the first act; Dave mentions that a cover of The We…
Mailbag: harp player Gloria Agostini plays live accompaniment for the chin-rubbing flashbacks, Anton feeds his goldfish …
Buddy Guy sits in on guitar; Dave congratulates Regis on his much-deserved Daytime Emmy win; Steph/Monty tells an amusin…
Dave shows the audience his favorite (bogus) moment from last night's show: astronaut/billionaire Dennis Tito vaporizing…
Ray Benson sits in; "NYPD Chief of Police" William DeLace gives tips to college grads; baseball great Lawrence "Yogi" Be…
Dave celebrates Bob Dylan's 60th birthday with concert footage of a very old man struggling to play the guitar; Tony Orl…
Mailbag: "Have you ever seen the Monkey Man?" Dave introduces the Monkey Man, who as any keen-eyed viewer can attest, i…
Dave presents the new studio floor, which is now dark blue after several years of being crimson red; Dave admits he's ha…
Paul accidentally interrupts the monologue by getting attacked by a bee during the monologue, and Dave gives him grief f…
It's time for a segment called "For the Kids." George Clarke hogs the attention of an ice cream vendor, a Toys r Us empl…
Dave drones on and on about a buzzkill staffer who declined Dave's offer of a free apple; in honor of this unknown staff…
During Mailbag, Dave is repelled by President Bush's daughter "Debbie" (Gerard); ten CBS affiliate weathermen present th…
Dave criticizes the Los Angeles Lakers' "pixie" jerseys; Dave shows news footage of a bear in somebody's swimming pool, …
Paul wins the latest round of "Late Show Pay Phone Trifecta"; Dave chats with Steph/Monty via telephone to discuss a bli…
Dave helps Paul with some computer problems; in honor of the coming demise of Bozo the Clown, Dave shows (bogus) footage…
Dave continues to discuss the retirement of Bozo the Clown, but his remarks about big, red, ugly hair results in an inev…
Mailbag: "Can I host the show for a few minutes?" Sure enough, viewer Jason Lynch is hosting the show, while Dave sits i…
After Paul admits that he doesn't recall what he looks like, Dave calls receptionist Art Kelly to ask if he's ever been …
Team Rahal racer Kenny Brack inexpicably sits in on guitar, while David Sedaris reads a selection from his new book.
A remarkably slim and trim Biff introduces footage of him hanging out at the Grand Prix in Detroit. Also, Dave and Paul…
Paul sits in the guest chair for five minutes so he can promote Cover Wars, a new game show he's hosting on VH1. Also, …
Mailbag: "What would you do if the world was coming to an end?" Dave admits he doesn't know much about this topic, so h…
Dave has another rant about his computer problems, claiming that Late Show techno-guru Walter Kim keeps coming to his ho…
Dave continues to steam over his technological issues; Catherine Zeta-Jones calls Dave "Jay" and profusely apologizes; D…
Dave's computer problems only get worse, as he couldn't name a certain part he needed, causing IBM to send him the wrong…
Dave goes on a spiel about the traffic on the interstate this morning; an "Incredible Dog Challenge" is held outside, wi…
Mailbag: all of tonight's letters are read by James Earl Jones, George Clarke's flashback to a night of sex and gambling…
Dave announces that he may have parasites crawling around head, prompting Paul to call him a "maggot brain"; Dave and St…
Dave announces that Jude Brennan's cousin (a parasite expert) has told him that there's nothing to worry about. Also, o…
Dave grumbles about the lack of quality guests appearing on the show, during which Paul comments on his inappropriate qu…
Dave theorizes on the show's four Emmy nominations (announced earlier that day)- either no one's watching or the voters …
Dave introduces "live satellite feed" of President Bush staring of into space; during Mailbag, Alan throws one of tonigh…
Rather than come out of nowhere, Dave orders the muscle guy to pummel Alan; during a segment called "Summertime Leftover…
Alan is caught nibbling on a pizza, but surprisingly doesn't get beaten up; Dave makes a snarky comment about Jay Leno's…
Alan orders a pizza, and the delivery guy beats him up; live via satellite from the Indianapolis suburbs, Dorothy celebr…
Another pizza for Alan results in another beating for Alan; Dave shows a photo of the FBI Building with the "I" missing;…
Dave brags about his mom's 80th birthday "whoop-tee-doo and grabass" this weekend; during Mailbag, Dave rescues Paul fro…
A celebration for Calvert's 80th birthday turns into an excuse for Dave to ignore him and flirt with the Hi-Ho girls; Da…
Delbert McClinton sits in; Steph/Monty (live via telephone from the 12th floor) discusses in length her plans from last …
Dave proudly announces that he's wearing orange socks tonight, but only so he can shove Steph's face into a birthday cak…
The tambourine player sitting in with the band beats up Alan; Dave shows another old comedy clip to kill time (Show #818…
Mailbag: "How long has Paul been bald?" Dave fears that this might be a sensitive question, but Paul rubs his chin anyw…
Some guy dressed up as "Lance Armstrong" comes onstage on a bicycle and beats up Alan, then runs over to Hello Deli to p…
Dave makes Rupert play a deli-themed version of "Beat the Clock." Later, after his conversation with Sean Combs goes lo…
Cast
