Two and a Half Men
Comedy • Series

Two and a Half Men

"Two adults. One kid. No grown-ups."

7.4/10 2003 12 Seasons 262 Episodes Ended

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Season: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Season 1 Episodes

S1E1
E1
Pilot
23 min 2003

Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move…

S1E2
E2
Big Flappy Bastards
21 min 2003

Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Ch…

S1E3
E3
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
21 min 2003

Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a fa…

S1E4
E4
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
21 min 2003

Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately …

S1E5
E5
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
19 min 2003

Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

S1E6
E6
Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
21 min 2003

The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's …

S1E7
E7
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
21 min 2003

Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in…

S1E8
E8
Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
19 min 2003

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

S1E9
E9
Phase One, Complete
21 min 2003

Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious a…

S1E10
E10
Merry Thanksgiving
21 min 2003

Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that sh…

S1E11
E11
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
20 min 2003

When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him tr…

S1E12
E12
Camel Filters and Pheromones
21 min 2004

Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 1…

S1E13
E13
Sarah Like Puny Alan
20 min 2004

Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's bee…

S1E14
E14
I Can't Afford Hyenas
21 min 2004

Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come …

S1E15
E15
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
21 min 2004

Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

S1E16
E16
That Was Saliva, Alan
21 min 2004

Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for A…

S1E17
E17
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
20 min 2004

Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an a…

S1E18
E18
An Old Flame with a New Wick
21 min 2004

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

S1E19
E19
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
19 min 2004

Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn bri…

S1E20
E20
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
21 min 2004

Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

S1E21
E21
No Sniffing, No Wowing
21 min 2004

Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan i…

S1E22
E22
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
21 min 2004

When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his di…

S1E23
E23
Just Like Buffalo
21 min 2004

When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop …

S1E24
E24
Can You Feel My Finger?
21 min 2004

Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not tal…

Cast

Ashton Kutcher
Ashton Kutcher
Walden Schmidt
Jon Cryer
Jon Cryer
Alan Harper
Conchata Ferrell
Conchata Ferrell
Berta

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